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Meghan Markle is the perfect fit for our new touchy-feely royal family

SHARING IS CARING!
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Prince Harrys girlfriend has bared her heart to Vanity Fair and proved that shed be right at home with Will and Kate

Like me, you probably can’t get enough of the Generation Y royals talking about their feelings. I especially enjoyed the way these emotional sharings are praised as slightly more significant than the Reformation, as Princes William and Harry spearhead a great breaking away from All That and a move into Something Else Of Which One Unfortunately Suspects No Good Is Going To Come.

Probably the standout thus far was the video they posted back in April, which featured William, Harry and Kate sitting round a barbecue table in their jeans talking about stuff such as how hard new parenting can be. Hey – it’s cheaper to watch this than to earwig on it at Center Parcs, and I expect none of them had to stand up and find they had a nappy stuck to the bottom of their brown suede loafer and were late for the Owl Encounter.

Anyway, there is a limit to how many times they can open up in any given month without sounding like your least repressed friend on six glasses of dame petrol, so it’s great to see the emotional reformation trickling down to supporting players. This week it’s the turning of Prince Harry’s girlfriend Meghan Markle, who constructs the cover of Vanity Fair on the basis of her work in … hang on, let me get my reading glasses on … US TV legal drama Suits. Literally next on my listing, once I’ve got through the box set of Prime Ministers’ Questions 1989 -2 017. For now, I can only offer my ongoing congratulations to Meghan’s agent, who probably isn’t familiar with the local term” jammy bastard”, but may care to familiarise himself with it.

Meghan
Meghan Markle on the cover-up of Vanity Fair. Photograph: Reuters

The accompanying Vanity Fair interview is a classic of its form, where the reader is required to wade through some agonisingly stultifying details as if it’s some kind of vision quest. Meghan has freckles- the freckles get more than 100 words. She’s from California- that gets an even longer run-out. Even details of what the interviewer and Meghan ate are presented as holy relics( this stuff is definitely in need of a reformation ).” Markle had prepared a lunch of organic greens, a crusty bread to be dipped in olive oil, and pasta flung with chillies bought from’ a little place called Terroni, which they have in LA and in Toronto. They’re really hot, but if you’re good with heat, then I think they’re going to be your new favourite thing … I’ll give you a little jar to take home .'”

Don’t worry, Meghan. Pretty sure you’re going to get the cover-up anyway.

Having waded through the entire article, Lost in Showbiz can tell you that Meghan seems a very nice lady, and somehow manages to get through it suspending her skepticism that the magazine isn’t going to go with its eventual coverline” MEGHAN MARKLE- SHE’S JUST WILD ABOUT HARRY !”

But with the best will in the world, we’re not here for the quality of chat, which is a particular strain of trite. On the basis of this interview, Meghan seems to talk in pre-butchered Andie McDowell lines. As students of her oeuvre will know, Andie has bungled more deliveries than Yodel, from having to be dubbed over by Glenn Close in Greystoke, to the sadly deathless scene in Four Weddings where she inquires: ” Is it still raining? I hadn’t noticed .”

Yet talk of rain must bring us back to the matter in hand.” It was raining in Toronto the day we fulfilled ,” explains Meghan’s Vanity Fair interviewer,” and while this sounds corny, it also happens to be true: as she resumed speaking about Prince Harry, the sun came out, ushering in a brilliant, warm day .”

You hadn’t noticed, until Vanity Fair battered you round the head with it.” We’re a couple ,” Meghan explains of her gentleman caller, in a paragraph the mag only manages not to formally box up with the words MONEY SHOT.” We’re in love. I’m sure there will be a day when we will have to come forward and present ourselves and have narratives to tell, but I hope what people will understand is that this is our time. This is for us. It’s part of what makes it so special, that it’s just ours. But we’re happy. Personally, I love a great love story .”

Princes
Princes William and Harry with the Duchess of Cambridge at their video shoot earlier this year. Photograph: PA

Other than that, Meghan projects such a jaw-slacking image of blandness that she would be the perfect candidate to make up a four at a barbecue table at some point in the future. In that imagined video, she and Harry and William and Kate could discuss the reaction to this Vanity Fair interview, and how they felt about it. This would tee up a future video in which they returned to discuss how they felt about the reaction to the video of them saying how they felt about the interview. And so on, until the essential mystery of the royal family is safeguarded in perpetuity.

As I say, I am all for this great opening up, but I would really like to see the policy expanded to the people who have to do stuff such as put the toothpaste on the royal toothbrushes for them and clean their helicopters and whatnot. How does that construct those people feel? Do they feel valued? Part of something? Or somehow strangely still searching for meaning, like they fear they might be- to quote Prince Harry-” on the verge of punching person “?

Or have I misunderstood the parameters of the policy, and it isn’t going to reach down to the servants? At present, the rules seem dangerously unclear, and I must urge the royals return to the Picnic Table of Candour to clear them up at their very earliest convenience.

Read more: https :// www.theguardian.com/ lifeandstyle/ lostinshowbiz/ 2017/ sep/ 07/ meghan-markle-perfect-fit-touchy-feely-royal-family-prince-harry

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